Sick of grudge

This cny is much more suffer than last year. Last year I need to bear all the suffer by myself due to he's not here. But this year, he's here n yet I need to bear the suffer all by myself again. The whole cny i never have to chance to meet him. He said i've been change since i came back from KK. Yes, I dont deny that once i touch down from kk i went out with friends, but he choose not to join us. My fault again o? Friends called few times for asking him to join, but he still reject. I myself also called him too, and he giving me craps to listen. I was so piss off but he hang my phone off 1st. I lagi geram, but who cares, so I din diu him n let him be. He said I spend my time with friends more than he do. Shit!! He shud know who I'm n what I'm. This all are craps. nothing to argue jus to find a topic to argue? Shit!

Then middle of late nite, he put his temper on me again. So what, I dun bother. Might be becuz of that, he revenge it back to me. He treated the same way to me. I started to spare out my time, n yet now he keeping say he's busy out there, even he dun have any date, he rather stay at home. I ask for meeting up few times, but he seems cant c cant feel n dun bother. So? Fuck off man!! U think who u r? I'm not the fish who always wanted the edible on ur bait.

泪

一次又一次的让我躲起来，偷偷的做我平时不会怎样做的事:掉泪。眼泪对我而言不是难，可是也不容易。以前爸爸跟我说过，一个人的眼泪适合的时候可能是一种武器，可是不适合的时候是一种令人心烦又讨厌。小时候，只要爸爸一个眼神或是较重的话，眼眶就有泪在跳舞的时候，所以很小就学会掉泪要躲起来。怎么样都好都要到一个没有人的地方才释放出来。

现在长大了，对于躲起来掉泪不再陌生不再困难，把眼泪收起来也不再难了。我的眼泪本来就在08年的12月31号的时候不再流了，回头想，09整年来我真的没有掉过伤心的泪。可是眼泪就在整个一月常常都在掉，在房间自己一个人受着伤心，心痛，不甘心的心情流泪。我知道这很不健康，可是他就是一而再，再而三的让我掉泪。我没有跟他说什么事，也没有给他知道我心是怎么想。遭遇上次的教训，我知道我偷起来为这种人掉泪，我知道我中头奖了，还中的很准的那种。所以为了保护自己，我决定不去领奖。不要再次的被欺骗扎团来打扰我的生活。

泪:对我来说很贵，所以他不值得拥有我的泪。

Lately

Lately alot of stuff happen. Jus duno how to put in words. I pass my bday with my fellow friends. That shud be a happy thing to me, jus there is some1 broke my bday up. Anyhow is not a big deal actually.. The worst is actually I very frustrated with my everything, no matter work, studies, people around me, n bla bla bla...

I'm not sure whether people around me realize that or not, but I myself realize that I've change alot since I get into a new environment of being one of them. But results telling me is, Im being a fool, being sarcastic, being unfriendly...

I have my own style of getting friendly to environment, but not the way they used to be. Yes, might be I'm new to this environment, i've tried my best to explain who, what, how, am I. but seems they don't choose to believe what I saw, I met, I know, I observe.

Friends told me, If ones understand, ones should know your effort on how much did you sacrifice to... I used to care about people's thought, feeling n etc. But someone taught me, I need to be selfish. Well I dunno whether being selfish is good or not. But someone taught me, at least you won't hurt yourself.

Lately I'm not who I use to be, someone taken me away where I dun wana go. Now I know everthing has been change, and never back to who I used to be. Now I know what I exactly have to do, in order to be there for you, whenever needed someone. I wanted to be the one I used to be, but the facts telling me everything that I jus being naive.

I've learned 1 thing from here, I learn to be mute, to be deft, to be blind. think that will easy my life dude.