不对

我不晓得我还能不能，大大方方的维持友情。他变了，现在的他真的变了，和他在一起的那段时间，我以为我自己能改变他的想法，可是他选择放弃。之间有太多的故事，我们的故事不是在他和她那儿说起（7个月前），而是在1年又5个月前发生。

很多事情都是说对的时侯，我只能说我们的时间真的不对，在不对的时间，把一对男女凑成一起，做了不对的事情，导致大家有不对的感觉。

A month later from 3rd march

Well... it's been more than 2 weeks i din touch my blog... I duno whether I have letting everything go, but i confirm there are some1 beside me now. V end it for more than a month, thru out this period, I went out with my friends alot. no matter is old friends, new friends, young ones or old ones. I filled my time with work n joyful. I duno whether is good or what, but this definately makes me feel better than i sit at home. I try my best to forget every single day, every single place, every single movie v watched. Ever since im with him, i trained to watch horror movie, becuz he loves to watch.

He's bad, he's good, I've heard so much no matter b4 v started, or after v ended. I've tired with all his stories, I duno whether which one is the lie and which is the truth. He has make so many mistakes again n again. He speaks one set n do with another set... I started losing faith on him. He has the age and maturity to settle what had he done. But yet, just duno y, he always make the same mistake. He has back to her embrace and i very confirm with that. He had admit with that. I have to, want to, and need to congrats him. I never deny is me the one who rule they both up. I know I've rule them, but then isnt't unconciously at this period im become the "third party"? I duno, and I dun wan to know. I knew I've did something wrong, at that period I tried so hard to makes things back in track. I refuse seeing him, but at last I'm pursuaded. I was pursuaded by him back to his embrace, yes I did. Now even I think back, I was so foolish, so silly being pursuaded back to his embrace. Why? why was I so silly, if that time I stand right at my position, it wouldn't be so bad now. Why I moved?

I thought I revenging, but in the end I get more pain but he get not even a pain. Especially he admit the status of them from his own mouth. I hate myself whenever I couldn't tears, laugh, sad, happy when it time to be. I hide myself so hard when I meet him. You know how bad isn't when ones cant laugh cant tears? I know how it feel, and it is not a good feeling. Is worst than a knife poking on your chest.

I duno why I was being pursuaded back to his embrace everytime I wanted to leave? I refuse seeing him but in the end I still sohai back to his embrace. Why I wasn't stand right at my position? Why I was moved? If time I wasn't moved, now will be much more better than now, I dun have to suffer so hard n painfull enuff. I hate no matter how, now Im still rounding him in my life. Shud I say thanks to him or... God? I'm not sure, but the thing I pretty sure is, he's now living happily. How could I jus letting he be and not torturing myself? Can some1 just delete all my memories so that I dun remember every single things of him? And do hope his dream come true at the end of this year by giving birth to a child.