Past tense

Recorded on 2008 October.
Songs that kindda memorable to me. Or... shud I say, at that time it was. but sorry not now anymore. hahahahaa. It's been almost 2 years ago. So who cares? haahhahaa. Honestly, I don't care. :D

Langkawi

Well... Way back few weeks ago... I went to langkawi with a very last min plan. What inspire me to be there? I may say the beach and the liquor I think. Hahaha. It was simon suggestion anyway, he asked me whether am I interested to go with him? I said why not man? It's cool!! But actually, that period was the most hectic week in Uni. Due to our presentation falls on the last day of school. And that was the most important subject as a BC student. but.... to make my self to Langkawi. I overnight at uni to do editing. I know I dont have to do so... but... anyway... cuz I afraid of my assignment couldn't hand in ontime, plus that was a group assignment. nah~ dun feel like wanna kill my new groupmate. hahaha. so... just a minute before departing from KL. Finally manage to finish up the editing. hahaha. So... What am I waiting for? Put my ass into that Island man. hahahaha


Seriously to say that. I really had alot of fun there. The beach, the liquor, the people all are awesome! The fun part is I carry the camera every where took some random pictures. That's my favourite part becuz I get rid of them and walk all along the beach took some pictures. Couldn't share much the pictures, due the pictures still with the idiotic.

A Short Drama

Alright~~~ Feel florist to share something that what my friends produce... my pleasure to help them in their assignment. After the production, I was quite refuse to share short film, because I'm still new in uni, to be low profile... decide not to share in too public. The reason is because I want to stay low profile, doesn't want to be that expose around uni.

But since the production has screened on the screening day, so... nothing to be covered from my friends. Whom most of them already know bout this. hahaha.
sooo.... check this out.. apologize that there are some line's audio is not that proper.

Media Influences

There are some positive and negative influences in young people.

Here is a positive influence example, if there is a sport that is getting a lot of attention by the media and gains popularity among your friends and society, you will more likely want to practice the sport and be cool with all your friends. The result is that you will have fun with your friends and be more healthy because of the exercise your are doing.

However a negative influence in teenagers is the use of cigars by celebrity movie stars, the constant exposure of sex images, the excessive images of violence and exposure to thousands of junk food ads.

Young people are in a stage of life where they want to be accepted by their peers, they want to be loved and be successful. The media creates the ideal image of a beautiful men and women and tells you what are the characteristics of a successful person, you can see it in movies and tv. Its a subliminal way to tell you that if you are not like them you are not cool yet so its time to buy the stuff they buy and look like they look.

Nothing More Than This At The Moment

This is what and who am I suppose to be. Term... Theory... Essay... Writting... Memorize... Understanding... Study... EXAM!! Slowly get back to full time study. Eversince foundation, I've be out of practice studying for 1 and a half year.

But to be honest to say, in this presence of one and a half year, I was fully enjoy my days. At least I really be what I love to be. This one and a half year, I got to know alot of friends, and manage to get back to my high school friends. And this is one of the thing that I'm pleasure about. :)

Suppose to be Paint Ball or Pain Ball

On the 24 July, went for paint ball with uni friends and my lecturer. It was pretty fun, or should I say freaking fun!!! Hahahaha!! As you can c, we make it into 2 teams. Red team stand by Jon, Yasmin, Natalie, Makenthira (Don the lecturer), Amanda from Help College.

Yea that's right!! I'm in Blue Team. Opposing the Red Team lead by Makenthira. But we have Jazz, Daniel, Jordon (from australia), Joshua (from australia), Simon and me. Joshua is our silent weapon, he's tiny enuff to hide wherelse no one can catch on him. We have Jordon, he makes a lot of beautiful moves during the war. Very impressive! Then we have Daniel, to be rigourous to say that daniel was the leader for blue team. He caught the strategies in the end of the game and he leads Joshua and Jordan to make the killing moves. As for Simon, heart broken la~ At the beginning he was in the blue team, becuz of Amanda (Red Team) she has to leave early and simon bump into Red team and leave us.

C the prove of betrayer in next team in this picture.

Stepping into the court of war

But no matter how, at the end of the day, we all freaking enjoy ourselves. Thou was tiring, but it was nice for being shot. The bruise on everyone was the evidence of being shot. Haha, painful but shoknya~ hahaha.

Owh ya! Alot of people asking where is this place and the price for the game. To be honest, this is the cheapest paint ball that I could find.

Only cost RM120/pax for 400 pellets (inclusive of marker, mask, and field rental.

*PROMO: come in pairs, the girl plays for free. =D (so it become RM60/pax)
(ie. if got 5 boy and 5 girls, the 5 girls play for free. =D)

Locate at Malaysian Paintball Academy (MAPAAC), Padang ASTAKA, PJ. Its just behind Hotel Armada in S14, accessible via Federal Highway and also PUTRA LRT, where you should alight at Asia Jaya Station, and from there, its a 5-10 minutes walk.

Should you be driving, it is advisable to make a turn at the Amcorp Mall bridge junction (not at the PJ Hilton Hotel bridge junction) and turn into St. Paul's church on the left for easy access into Padang Astaka.

10 July 2010

This day was a day that I went to Ipoh with Maxx, Yanny, Shine, Kenny and Mei Teng. They are the buddies who brought me back to the reality. They are the buddies that brought me up when I needed someone to spare with. And I would never forget when I lose a bunch of friends they were there for me. And to be honest to say, I really enjoy this trip.

But when come to the night time party. It was shermen's 22nd bday. I was glad to c one of my friend was there after all the misunderstands or whatever. However, everyone know is a waste to lose a friend because of misunderstands. I'm glad to c him back in this bunch of friends. Moreover they are the buddies that used to spent alot on each other, the brotherhood they used to have is a persistence.

However, this party should be happy and sedate. Sorry to say, I still don't feel comfortable for my attendance being there. Actually it suppose to be a warm party but sorry to say that I couldn't pretend anymore. At first I really thought I could overcome the fear and disorder, but the facts prove that I couldn't make it by myself. End up Jon came and pick me with Simon and Jazz. Luckily they came, they knew that I wasn't in a good fettle, they have spent the whole night with me till 3+I think... and that makes me superb tired and I got into a sound sleep finally.

Keracut Beach & Batu Ferringhi

When to Penang Island for my last sem break. The place that I started to know everything. Well, be here back is to piece back every single puzzle into where they are belong. It's also a way to say good bye for the things been thru.









Though we know each other not that long, for only a sem or less than that except for yee ling.Others-Jon, Aaron, Jazz and Nat they are my classmates. The special one i think is simon, i only got to know him in this trip. Seriously, before this trip begins I only know that he's my PR lecture class rep, and as usual... I won't be in the class especially on monday classes. So that's why I dont know who the hell he is. The thing he know bout me was, either I late for class and yee ling will reserve a seat for me or couldn't find me in the class. Hahaha.

I didn't know that Penang could find so much fun. I think is the beach and water sports awaken me from emo. From the bottom of heart to say that, this trip was a recovery trip for us.hmm... I think so. ahahahaha. The greatest thing in this trip except the beach I think it's the time we spent together at night. We spent few nights together, drinking, gaming, pillow talking, after all these, got to know each other better by the game called "I've never". Got to know my friends, what's the words from the bottom of the heart. Especially simon. hahahaha. Thou at the last, I was being emo by the pictures but yet, buddies pull me back to face what's belong to me and what's not.

Alot of things happen before, during and after this trip. And I got to know 1 thing after I came back to kl, this was told by a friend call Ren. Luckily aaron din say anything during the trip, if so i think that could change our friendship to worst. Really thanks god, aaron found his loves one in the second sem, and they are doing great in this period. Bless him as how I bless Jon and Simon. Hope they recover soon and got a better one SOON. especially Jon. hahahahahahaa. Loser. hahahahaha

Fortune Teller Said

I meet a fortune teller today, she said bout my past, my current. but not much on my future. She just ask me to do what for my future. She also said that Im tough. wow~ What a smile on my face. DO I?? hahaha. Im tough due to the date of birth of mine. Impress. Im born to be tough but not learn to be tough. XD She said Im born to be a leader, is just that c whether I wanna take it or not. She also said that my life is not hard to walk though Im alone.

From how she analyze kmy birth day, she said im lucky to have my parents. My parents very sayang me. XD hehehehe. YES, THEY ARE!!!! cuz they let me fly. :D She said the one who control me is my elder sis, she's very smart, tough and knowledgable. yes she is, never deny that. She said i always fight with my sis cuz she born to have egolisme, but she dun have a good temper n she said I dun like to listen to her "stories". Hahahaha. yes I'm.

She also said that I'll be stable in my own financial at the age of after 28. lol. Im so old at that age. She din say much on my career, as she said Im still studying.

Yet, come to my relationship. She said he'll back. hahahaha. I think is the funniest thing I heard. Then I tell her, he already with some other woman. She said this must be your classmate. LOL. Quite close, not my classmate, but is my church friend. hahaha. She said that this guy have alot of bad record after I told her his date of birth of him. hahahaha. Wow~ she said he's not . hahahahaha. I feel like laugh out man. Ask me to be careful if he really come back. Well, I duno whether am I shud believe this part. Due to previously, I ended a relationship with a singer, a tarot fortune teller also said that he'll be back to me, ask me to be patient. LOL. and now another fortune teller tell me that HE will be back. wow~ so many will come back meh? gila... hahahahaha. well, might be coming back geh, but not now, might be happens in the next century. Gam I believe in karma geh... She said now he with your friend let them b... she wans him let him be with her. (hahahaha) I just knock my head with grins. XD

不对

我不晓得我还能不能，大大方方的维持友情。他变了，现在的他真的变了，和他在一起的那段时间，我以为我自己能改变他的想法，可是他选择放弃。之间有太多的故事，我们的故事不是在他和她那儿说起（7个月前），而是在1年又5个月前发生。

很多事情都是说对的时侯，我只能说我们的时间真的不对，在不对的时间，把一对男女凑成一起，做了不对的事情，导致大家有不对的感觉。

A month later from 3rd march

Well... it's been more than 2 weeks i din touch my blog... I duno whether I have letting everything go, but i confirm there are some1 beside me now. V end it for more than a month, thru out this period, I went out with my friends alot. no matter is old friends, new friends, young ones or old ones. I filled my time with work n joyful. I duno whether is good or what, but this definately makes me feel better than i sit at home. I try my best to forget every single day, every single place, every single movie v watched. Ever since im with him, i trained to watch horror movie, becuz he loves to watch.

He's bad, he's good, I've heard so much no matter b4 v started, or after v ended. I've tired with all his stories, I duno whether which one is the lie and which is the truth. He has make so many mistakes again n again. He speaks one set n do with another set... I started losing faith on him. He has the age and maturity to settle what had he done. But yet, just duno y, he always make the same mistake. He has back to her embrace and i very confirm with that. He had admit with that. I have to, want to, and need to congrats him. I never deny is me the one who rule they both up. I know I've rule them, but then isnt't unconciously at this period im become the "third party"? I duno, and I dun wan to know. I knew I've did something wrong, at that period I tried so hard to makes things back in track. I refuse seeing him, but at last I'm pursuaded. I was pursuaded by him back to his embrace, yes I did. Now even I think back, I was so foolish, so silly being pursuaded back to his embrace. Why? why was I so silly, if that time I stand right at my position, it wouldn't be so bad now. Why I moved?

I thought I revenging, but in the end I get more pain but he get not even a pain. Especially he admit the status of them from his own mouth. I hate myself whenever I couldn't tears, laugh, sad, happy when it time to be. I hide myself so hard when I meet him. You know how bad isn't when ones cant laugh cant tears? I know how it feel, and it is not a good feeling. Is worst than a knife poking on your chest.

I duno why I was being pursuaded back to his embrace everytime I wanted to leave? I refuse seeing him but in the end I still sohai back to his embrace. Why I wasn't stand right at my position? Why I was moved? If time I wasn't moved, now will be much more better than now, I dun have to suffer so hard n painfull enuff. I hate no matter how, now Im still rounding him in my life. Shud I say thanks to him or... God? I'm not sure, but the thing I pretty sure is, he's now living happily. How could I jus letting he be and not torturing myself? Can some1 just delete all my memories so that I dun remember every single things of him? And do hope his dream come true at the end of this year by giving birth to a child.

KimchiHaru, Poppy

Well it's been quite some time i nver hang up with my foundation buddies. Eventhough this is not all of it but a part at KimchiHaru, jaya 1. But still i miss the moment with them. Lately i got the chance to help them up in their shooting assignment, well ystd nite was the last scene for the whole production. It quite tiring for the whole production. But still i enjoy every moment with eventhough during the whole progress is kindda frus, anyway, it nice when everything done.

Well this is not how i end my day, by shooting n makan. After makan, receive melissa phone call. WOW~~ as u guys know lately i really dun wanted to think so much, know so much, hear so much n bother so much. This brings me to unwanted to stay at home is some kind of feeling too. receive melissa's call of course is go hang up d. At 1st, tot of goin to lot 10, the roof. but becuz of there are few children are not allowed to in. that's y we have to change our location to poppy. hahaha. well, poppy i've been quite several times. but yet this time was the most craziest n funny night. cuz usually i've to jaga my baby when i got in there with them. or hang up with friends with drinking n playing around with them. Ystd nite went with some younger guys n of course there are some old age guy too. hahaha. well the 1st time of being take care from them, even the younger one, they are funny man. They know i being molested, keep on protecting me. lol. you can could never imagine how they dance to kick away those "flies". sure laugh like hell man. I ended my night with a big mouth laugh. It's cool. i'll b back with u guys again. ;)

Nite Time At Muse

I end today with melissa. After dinner, me n her went to Jaya 1 minum. So funny, suppose today dun have to drop by there due to my classes n shit. But end up, I minum kat sana. haha. no matter how, i pulak have to go there. haha.


Jaya 1, Muse. With my bloody marry. ><><Guess who I met, Alice. Such suprising met her there.

Lim Teh With Joseph

LOL~ C who's there for me 2day.

Suppose today I've an appointment to meet up 8am at puchong. Is 8am duh~~~ But end up appointment cancel tiba tiba. So from 8+ I call call call call text text text c who's free to have breakfast n fill my empty time. Call those who are not working, holy shit. If bukan cannot reach then is not picking up. Then text those who working, end up no 1 can curi tulang come out. sienz... Skrg look for them they cant curi tulang, biasa I tak de expect they can curi tulang then they curi tulang keep on ask me mahjong, lepak n etc. Duh~~ Sienz. End up, dear joseph call back. HAHAHAHA!!! Gao Sing Come La~~ hahaha!! From puchong, drove to mid valley, seksyen 17, bandar utama, damansara, then dear joseph finally return call then I back to sunway, bukit jalil n all the way to kl. Is act I wanted to makan at pess school, then who knows v both forgotten is school holiday, Pess canteen mana ade buka? hahaha. Due to this, so v change it to where v lepak while v in high school. haha Yong Guang! tak perasan tak perasan, v chat for 3 hours d. If not I need to back home, I think I'll lepak till late nite cari kawan kat kl kat cheras lim teh lim teh. hehe~Back home early not becuz got things to do at home, is becuz the princess Melissa ask me lim teh. and I've promise her to lim teh with her. so back home n wait for her lo. Reach home drop of for half an hour, went to the nearest complex for gossip gossip her own stuff to me. haha!! This is how I pass my day with ponteng ing my classs. Lol!! Gosh~ In the meanwhile, I kena police block, what to do? Give minum lo. Sienz!! :)

Hard Time 。 Thanks

From the day of stepping into 2010, I know there are lot of stuff for me to face. Well, seems cant run away from all this. This few weeks really a hard time for me. The worst is, I knew I need to do alot of stuff, but my heart, my passion, my motion, my goal, all aren't with me. What I know is drink drank drunk only. Every night, I need to swollow alot of liquor then only I got to sleep for avoiding some unnecessary thinking. I just dont know how to control myself being not to think of crap. This is the only way to anesthetize myself.

Thanks melissa be there when I lose something. Thanks baobei borrowing your ears. Thanks my cousin bro, he's awsome. He brought me to G6. 1st time he being so nice by not teasing me at all. Thanks my 2 baby michelle n jaz spend so much time on me, accompany, entertain me, she really look for something that I usually love to do which can make me happy. Well, too bad in the end she doesn't succeed. Well I appreciate what she did, at least she could comfort me till to have a nice sleep. Well, thank for nick being there for me for this 2 saturday.I had a nice time with him, eventhough 3 of us are colleague, but what he did to me forever cant compare with... Well jus to thanks my friends who help me alot. Thanks.

Well!! I think Im back in the track now. After all, release alot alot. N now feel much better than usual. I've let it go man! Thanks to all my buddy.

stop torturing

I've been use for a year to put down everything. A year, isn't short time or a long time to u? After a year, i've recovered. Fully recovered. Dont think of anything regard xxx. N now another incident happen, same shit. Is jus diff ppl take over. the main character has been change. wtf. what is this all about? Revenge? or what? When i got to start my life without xxx shadow. n pops up with another thing to rule my life. How hard my life get back into what i was, n suddenly change me to what i'm not, when i got used to it, it says the game shud be end. N have to change me back to the previous. U think i can transform whatever i want isn't? duh~ Headache man!! Plz dun rule me again. Im sick of it. I jus want myself back without xxx shadow. k?

Working Vs Study

I feel like goin back to my working life. It's kinda hard to tune in back to study life. I'm sure those who are working will ask me to eat shit when I have to chance back to fully study. But I jus desire for doing something that I wanted to. Yet, I used to work hard to get back myself back to study life. I did alot of adjustment. Now I finally get myself back to study. Is FULLY study. But I miss my freedom life when i'm working. I do watever I wanted. Eventhough that time is kinda stress, but all is I myself responsible with that 1. Those pressure I can consult myself, cuz that time is myself choose to be what I wanted to be.

Yes. I dun deny, study back is also one of the reason I work hard. I promise some1 whenever is time to study back i'll be back. So now im back to study. But lately, the time is so tight. Tight till I dun have the chance to do what I want, what I desire b4 this. and the pressure I dun wan to stand anymore. I dun willing to take the stress, so refuse to have the stress.

Last time, all the pressure I dun take it as pressure, but as a motivation, cuz i've a mind set, tell myself, I choose to be this way. So when I work, I work happily. No matter how, Im happy. Even get scolded, get reject ideas n etc etc. Now study, that little pressure is so damn annoying. Refuse it so much so much.

I know I cant give up what I'm doing now(study). But I cant totally give up my work. What m I suppose to do? Very tired. I control myself not to think him also. But could he jus stop look for me. He interrupting my concentration. I used to rely on him alot. 2 years I rely on him so much, from colleague to friends, good friends, close friends, soul partner, then get along. Now suddenly ask me put down eveything, back to good friends. It's not hard, but need time. During this period, I so damn hope he dun look for me dun call me dun text me. Is very interrupting, Really. I'm trying to focus on what i'm doin. Everytime he suddenly pop up I really scare I get melted. becuz of this 2 years I quite rely on him, my leisure time almost with him, now losing to have such a soul mate, i'm so accustomed. 2 years habits suddenly have to take off. Teach me how to do it?

That's the end of us 3rd of march 2010

Well finally ystd end up our relationship. It's miserable but still I need to go on with my life. So I decide to stand up. I duno whether it shud be glad or not, but still struggle for some time d. It shud be end like this. How it start, n how it end. Wish me luck. :)

Sick of grudge

This cny is much more suffer than last year. Last year I need to bear all the suffer by myself due to he's not here. But this year, he's here n yet I need to bear the suffer all by myself again. The whole cny i never have to chance to meet him. He said i've been change since i came back from KK. Yes, I dont deny that once i touch down from kk i went out with friends, but he choose not to join us. My fault again o? Friends called few times for asking him to join, but he still reject. I myself also called him too, and he giving me craps to listen. I was so piss off but he hang my phone off 1st. I lagi geram, but who cares, so I din diu him n let him be. He said I spend my time with friends more than he do. Shit!! He shud know who I'm n what I'm. This all are craps. nothing to argue jus to find a topic to argue? Shit!

Then middle of late nite, he put his temper on me again. So what, I dun bother. Might be becuz of that, he revenge it back to me. He treated the same way to me. I started to spare out my time, n yet now he keeping say he's busy out there, even he dun have any date, he rather stay at home. I ask for meeting up few times, but he seems cant c cant feel n dun bother. So? Fuck off man!! U think who u r? I'm not the fish who always wanted the edible on ur bait.

泪

一次又一次的让我躲起来，偷偷的做我平时不会怎样做的事:掉泪。眼泪对我而言不是难，可是也不容易。以前爸爸跟我说过，一个人的眼泪适合的时候可能是一种武器，可是不适合的时候是一种令人心烦又讨厌。小时候，只要爸爸一个眼神或是较重的话，眼眶就有泪在跳舞的时候，所以很小就学会掉泪要躲起来。怎么样都好都要到一个没有人的地方才释放出来。

现在长大了，对于躲起来掉泪不再陌生不再困难，把眼泪收起来也不再难了。我的眼泪本来就在08年的12月31号的时候不再流了，回头想，09整年来我真的没有掉过伤心的泪。可是眼泪就在整个一月常常都在掉，在房间自己一个人受着伤心，心痛，不甘心的心情流泪。我知道这很不健康，可是他就是一而再，再而三的让我掉泪。我没有跟他说什么事，也没有给他知道我心是怎么想。遭遇上次的教训，我知道我偷起来为这种人掉泪，我知道我中头奖了，还中的很准的那种。所以为了保护自己，我决定不去领奖。不要再次的被欺骗扎团来打扰我的生活。

泪:对我来说很贵，所以他不值得拥有我的泪。