Fortune Teller Said

I meet a fortune teller today, she said bout my past, my current. but not much on my future. She just ask me to do what for my future. She also said that Im tough. wow~ What a smile on my face. DO I?? hahaha. Im tough due to the date of birth of mine. Impress. Im born to be tough but not learn to be tough. XD She said Im born to be a leader, is just that c whether I wanna take it or not. She also said that my life is not hard to walk though Im alone.

From how she analyze kmy birth day, she said im lucky to have my parents. My parents very sayang me. XD hehehehe. YES, THEY ARE!!!! cuz they let me fly. :D She said the one who control me is my elder sis, she's very smart, tough and knowledgable. yes she is, never deny that. She said i always fight with my sis cuz she born to have egolisme, but she dun have a good temper n she said I dun like to listen to her "stories". Hahahaha. yes I'm.

She also said that I'll be stable in my own financial at the age of after 28. lol. Im so old at that age. She din say much on my career, as she said Im still studying.

Yet, come to my relationship. She said he'll back. hahahaha. I think is the funniest thing I heard. Then I tell her, he already with some other woman. She said this must be your classmate. LOL. Quite close, not my classmate, but is my church friend. hahaha. She said that this guy have alot of bad record after I told her his date of birth of him. hahahaha. Wow~ she said he's not . hahahahaha. I feel like laugh out man. Ask me to be careful if he really come back. Well, I duno whether am I shud believe this part. Due to previously, I ended a relationship with a singer, a tarot fortune teller also said that he'll be back to me, ask me to be patient. LOL. and now another fortune teller tell me that HE will be back. wow~ so many will come back meh? gila... hahahahaha. well, might be coming back geh, but not now, might be happens in the next century. Gam I believe in karma geh... She said now he with your friend let them b... she wans him let him be with her. (hahahaha) I just knock my head with grins. XD

不对

我不晓得我还能不能，大大方方的维持友情。他变了，现在的他真的变了，和他在一起的那段时间，我以为我自己能改变他的想法，可是他选择放弃。之间有太多的故事，我们的故事不是在他和她那儿说起（7个月前），而是在1年又5个月前发生。

很多事情都是说对的时侯，我只能说我们的时间真的不对，在不对的时间，把一对男女凑成一起，做了不对的事情，导致大家有不对的感觉。

A month later from 3rd march

Well... it's been more than 2 weeks i din touch my blog... I duno whether I have letting everything go, but i confirm there are some1 beside me now. V end it for more than a month, thru out this period, I went out with my friends alot. no matter is old friends, new friends, young ones or old ones. I filled my time with work n joyful. I duno whether is good or what, but this definately makes me feel better than i sit at home. I try my best to forget every single day, every single place, every single movie v watched. Ever since im with him, i trained to watch horror movie, becuz he loves to watch.

He's bad, he's good, I've heard so much no matter b4 v started, or after v ended. I've tired with all his stories, I duno whether which one is the lie and which is the truth. He has make so many mistakes again n again. He speaks one set n do with another set... I started losing faith on him. He has the age and maturity to settle what had he done. But yet, just duno y, he always make the same mistake. He has back to her embrace and i very confirm with that. He had admit with that. I have to, want to, and need to congrats him. I never deny is me the one who rule they both up. I know I've rule them, but then isnt't unconciously at this period im become the "third party"? I duno, and I dun wan to know. I knew I've did something wrong, at that period I tried so hard to makes things back in track. I refuse seeing him, but at last I'm pursuaded. I was pursuaded by him back to his embrace, yes I did. Now even I think back, I was so foolish, so silly being pursuaded back to his embrace. Why? why was I so silly, if that time I stand right at my position, it wouldn't be so bad now. Why I moved?

I thought I revenging, but in the end I get more pain but he get not even a pain. Especially he admit the status of them from his own mouth. I hate myself whenever I couldn't tears, laugh, sad, happy when it time to be. I hide myself so hard when I meet him. You know how bad isn't when ones cant laugh cant tears? I know how it feel, and it is not a good feeling. Is worst than a knife poking on your chest.

I duno why I was being pursuaded back to his embrace everytime I wanted to leave? I refuse seeing him but in the end I still sohai back to his embrace. Why I wasn't stand right at my position? Why I was moved? If time I wasn't moved, now will be much more better than now, I dun have to suffer so hard n painfull enuff. I hate no matter how, now Im still rounding him in my life. Shud I say thanks to him or... God? I'm not sure, but the thing I pretty sure is, he's now living happily. How could I jus letting he be and not torturing myself? Can some1 just delete all my memories so that I dun remember every single things of him? And do hope his dream come true at the end of this year by giving birth to a child.

KimchiHaru, Poppy

Well it's been quite some time i nver hang up with my foundation buddies. Eventhough this is not all of it but a part at KimchiHaru, jaya 1. But still i miss the moment with them. Lately i got the chance to help them up in their shooting assignment, well ystd nite was the last scene for the whole production. It quite tiring for the whole production. But still i enjoy every moment with eventhough during the whole progress is kindda frus, anyway, it nice when everything done.

Well this is not how i end my day, by shooting n makan. After makan, receive melissa phone call. WOW~~ as u guys know lately i really dun wanted to think so much, know so much, hear so much n bother so much. This brings me to unwanted to stay at home is some kind of feeling too. receive melissa's call of course is go hang up d. At 1st, tot of goin to lot 10, the roof. but becuz of there are few children are not allowed to in. that's y we have to change our location to poppy. hahaha. well, poppy i've been quite several times. but yet this time was the most craziest n funny night. cuz usually i've to jaga my baby when i got in there with them. or hang up with friends with drinking n playing around with them. Ystd nite went with some younger guys n of course there are some old age guy too. hahaha. well the 1st time of being take care from them, even the younger one, they are funny man. They know i being molested, keep on protecting me. lol. you can could never imagine how they dance to kick away those "flies". sure laugh like hell man. I ended my night with a big mouth laugh. It's cool. i'll b back with u guys again. ;)

Nite Time At Muse

I end today with melissa. After dinner, me n her went to Jaya 1 minum. So funny, suppose today dun have to drop by there due to my classes n shit. But end up, I minum kat sana. haha. no matter how, i pulak have to go there. haha.


Jaya 1, Muse. With my bloody marry. ><><Guess who I met, Alice. Such suprising met her there.

Lim Teh With Joseph

LOL~ C who's there for me 2day.

Suppose today I've an appointment to meet up 8am at puchong. Is 8am duh~~~ But end up appointment cancel tiba tiba. So from 8+ I call call call call text text text c who's free to have breakfast n fill my empty time. Call those who are not working, holy shit. If bukan cannot reach then is not picking up. Then text those who working, end up no 1 can curi tulang come out. sienz... Skrg look for them they cant curi tulang, biasa I tak de expect they can curi tulang then they curi tulang keep on ask me mahjong, lepak n etc. Duh~~ Sienz. End up, dear joseph call back. HAHAHAHA!!! Gao Sing Come La~~ hahaha!! From puchong, drove to mid valley, seksyen 17, bandar utama, damansara, then dear joseph finally return call then I back to sunway, bukit jalil n all the way to kl. Is act I wanted to makan at pess school, then who knows v both forgotten is school holiday, Pess canteen mana ade buka? hahaha. Due to this, so v change it to where v lepak while v in high school. haha Yong Guang! tak perasan tak perasan, v chat for 3 hours d. If not I need to back home, I think I'll lepak till late nite cari kawan kat kl kat cheras lim teh lim teh. hehe~Back home early not becuz got things to do at home, is becuz the princess Melissa ask me lim teh. and I've promise her to lim teh with her. so back home n wait for her lo. Reach home drop of for half an hour, went to the nearest complex for gossip gossip her own stuff to me. haha!! This is how I pass my day with ponteng ing my classs. Lol!! Gosh~ In the meanwhile, I kena police block, what to do? Give minum lo. Sienz!! :)

Hard Time 。 Thanks

From the day of stepping into 2010, I know there are lot of stuff for me to face. Well, seems cant run away from all this. This few weeks really a hard time for me. The worst is, I knew I need to do alot of stuff, but my heart, my passion, my motion, my goal, all aren't with me. What I know is drink drank drunk only. Every night, I need to swollow alot of liquor then only I got to sleep for avoiding some unnecessary thinking. I just dont know how to control myself being not to think of crap. This is the only way to anesthetize myself.

Thanks melissa be there when I lose something. Thanks baobei borrowing your ears. Thanks my cousin bro, he's awsome. He brought me to G6. 1st time he being so nice by not teasing me at all. Thanks my 2 baby michelle n jaz spend so much time on me, accompany, entertain me, she really look for something that I usually love to do which can make me happy. Well, too bad in the end she doesn't succeed. Well I appreciate what she did, at least she could comfort me till to have a nice sleep. Well, thank for nick being there for me for this 2 saturday.I had a nice time with him, eventhough 3 of us are colleague, but what he did to me forever cant compare with... Well jus to thanks my friends who help me alot. Thanks.

Well!! I think Im back in the track now. After all, release alot alot. N now feel much better than usual. I've let it go man! Thanks to all my buddy.

stop torturing

I've been use for a year to put down everything. A year, isn't short time or a long time to u? After a year, i've recovered. Fully recovered. Dont think of anything regard xxx. N now another incident happen, same shit. Is jus diff ppl take over. the main character has been change. wtf. what is this all about? Revenge? or what? When i got to start my life without xxx shadow. n pops up with another thing to rule my life. How hard my life get back into what i was, n suddenly change me to what i'm not, when i got used to it, it says the game shud be end. N have to change me back to the previous. U think i can transform whatever i want isn't? duh~ Headache man!! Plz dun rule me again. Im sick of it. I jus want myself back without xxx shadow. k?

Working Vs Study

I feel like goin back to my working life. It's kinda hard to tune in back to study life. I'm sure those who are working will ask me to eat shit when I have to chance back to fully study. But I jus desire for doing something that I wanted to. Yet, I used to work hard to get back myself back to study life. I did alot of adjustment. Now I finally get myself back to study. Is FULLY study. But I miss my freedom life when i'm working. I do watever I wanted. Eventhough that time is kinda stress, but all is I myself responsible with that 1. Those pressure I can consult myself, cuz that time is myself choose to be what I wanted to be.

Yes. I dun deny, study back is also one of the reason I work hard. I promise some1 whenever is time to study back i'll be back. So now im back to study. But lately, the time is so tight. Tight till I dun have the chance to do what I want, what I desire b4 this. and the pressure I dun wan to stand anymore. I dun willing to take the stress, so refuse to have the stress.

Last time, all the pressure I dun take it as pressure, but as a motivation, cuz i've a mind set, tell myself, I choose to be this way. So when I work, I work happily. No matter how, Im happy. Even get scolded, get reject ideas n etc etc. Now study, that little pressure is so damn annoying. Refuse it so much so much.

I know I cant give up what I'm doing now(study). But I cant totally give up my work. What m I suppose to do? Very tired. I control myself not to think him also. But could he jus stop look for me. He interrupting my concentration. I used to rely on him alot. 2 years I rely on him so much, from colleague to friends, good friends, close friends, soul partner, then get along. Now suddenly ask me put down eveything, back to good friends. It's not hard, but need time. During this period, I so damn hope he dun look for me dun call me dun text me. Is very interrupting, Really. I'm trying to focus on what i'm doin. Everytime he suddenly pop up I really scare I get melted. becuz of this 2 years I quite rely on him, my leisure time almost with him, now losing to have such a soul mate, i'm so accustomed. 2 years habits suddenly have to take off. Teach me how to do it?

That's the end of us 3rd of march 2010

Well finally ystd end up our relationship. It's miserable but still I need to go on with my life. So I decide to stand up. I duno whether it shud be glad or not, but still struggle for some time d. It shud be end like this. How it start, n how it end. Wish me luck. :)

Sick of grudge

This cny is much more suffer than last year. Last year I need to bear all the suffer by myself due to he's not here. But this year, he's here n yet I need to bear the suffer all by myself again. The whole cny i never have to chance to meet him. He said i've been change since i came back from KK. Yes, I dont deny that once i touch down from kk i went out with friends, but he choose not to join us. My fault again o? Friends called few times for asking him to join, but he still reject. I myself also called him too, and he giving me craps to listen. I was so piss off but he hang my phone off 1st. I lagi geram, but who cares, so I din diu him n let him be. He said I spend my time with friends more than he do. Shit!! He shud know who I'm n what I'm. This all are craps. nothing to argue jus to find a topic to argue? Shit!

Then middle of late nite, he put his temper on me again. So what, I dun bother. Might be becuz of that, he revenge it back to me. He treated the same way to me. I started to spare out my time, n yet now he keeping say he's busy out there, even he dun have any date, he rather stay at home. I ask for meeting up few times, but he seems cant c cant feel n dun bother. So? Fuck off man!! U think who u r? I'm not the fish who always wanted the edible on ur bait.

泪

一次又一次的让我躲起来，偷偷的做我平时不会怎样做的事:掉泪。眼泪对我而言不是难，可是也不容易。以前爸爸跟我说过，一个人的眼泪适合的时候可能是一种武器，可是不适合的时候是一种令人心烦又讨厌。小时候，只要爸爸一个眼神或是较重的话，眼眶就有泪在跳舞的时候，所以很小就学会掉泪要躲起来。怎么样都好都要到一个没有人的地方才释放出来。

现在长大了，对于躲起来掉泪不再陌生不再困难，把眼泪收起来也不再难了。我的眼泪本来就在08年的12月31号的时候不再流了，回头想，09整年来我真的没有掉过伤心的泪。可是眼泪就在整个一月常常都在掉，在房间自己一个人受着伤心，心痛，不甘心的心情流泪。我知道这很不健康，可是他就是一而再，再而三的让我掉泪。我没有跟他说什么事，也没有给他知道我心是怎么想。遭遇上次的教训，我知道我偷起来为这种人掉泪，我知道我中头奖了，还中的很准的那种。所以为了保护自己，我决定不去领奖。不要再次的被欺骗扎团来打扰我的生活。

泪:对我来说很贵，所以他不值得拥有我的泪。

Lately

Lately alot of stuff happen. Jus duno how to put in words. I pass my bday with my fellow friends. That shud be a happy thing to me, jus there is some1 broke my bday up. Anyhow is not a big deal actually.. The worst is actually I very frustrated with my everything, no matter work, studies, people around me, n bla bla bla...

I'm not sure whether people around me realize that or not, but I myself realize that I've change alot since I get into a new environment of being one of them. But results telling me is, Im being a fool, being sarcastic, being unfriendly...

I have my own style of getting friendly to environment, but not the way they used to be. Yes, might be I'm new to this environment, i've tried my best to explain who, what, how, am I. but seems they don't choose to believe what I saw, I met, I know, I observe.

Friends told me, If ones understand, ones should know your effort on how much did you sacrifice to... I used to care about people's thought, feeling n etc. But someone taught me, I need to be selfish. Well I dunno whether being selfish is good or not. But someone taught me, at least you won't hurt yourself.

Lately I'm not who I use to be, someone taken me away where I dun wana go. Now I know everthing has been change, and never back to who I used to be. Now I know what I exactly have to do, in order to be there for you, whenever needed someone. I wanted to be the one I used to be, but the facts telling me everything that I jus being naive.

I've learned 1 thing from here, I learn to be mute, to be deft, to be blind. think that will easy my life dude.

期待Christmas的来临

非常期待今年的圣诞
去年的圣诞我在工作
可是今年的圣诞终于
有自己的圣诞了：）

去年不好的圣诞回忆
今年要让好的回忆cover
去年圣诞非常忙
今年圣诞非常旺
我这个月赢了不少麻将钱
哈哈

认识了我这一群朋友这么久，
几乎每年都说一起出来玩，
缘分往往都作弄我和这群阿猪阿狗，
去年本来说好一起去新山过，
可是因工作在身跑不掉，
今年虽然不会再去新山，
可是能一起过已经很好了。

My 09 Christmas
is glad to have such a frens like u guys:)

工作有人探班真好

最近都在跑Karen龔柯允的宣传。终于她station one的宣传在今晚在Rawang要到一段落了。跑她的宣传还蛮辛苦的，辛苦的来还有点不是很甘愿的感觉，不过怎么埋怨都好，我们还是用专业的态度“假人”来对待她的经纪人。哈哈！

话说回来，这么辛苦工作有时心情真的要平衡下，工作时找不到自己喜欢的，可有推动力的那一块真的很难过，昨天的宣传又出了状况，太多细节掉了，不过台上的表演还好看起来都ok。可是后台就乱到不可看的。我很pik chik的时候，既然有个suprise给了我，我的好兄弟探我班咧~嘻嘻！

这真的出乎我意料，没想到他会探我班咧。当时的我我开心到一个地步，也不懂怎么形容那个感觉，这个时候当然跑向他给了他个拥抱~~哇~~在我全眼前都是不顺的东东，突然有件让我开心起来的东东，当然也是个推我工作加把劲的事啦~~所以show来说，虽然已经非常的乱，可是还是因为有人探我班，而我的心情又没有这么pikchik了，是我发挥功力的时候啦~~~

最后签唱会虽然圆满结束，可是还有小瑕疵的啦~~function出状况不是第一次，不要太难看就好了。

Bro, We All Luv U

Alot of crap in my mind tonight. Jus duno how to release it n let those crap get out of my mind. Doesn't appreciate it, then jus fine. I'll jus mia in ur circle. If this is what you wan, then i'll jus do it becuz u wan me to. Gosh~ I duno since when i'll so care bout my this bro... Bro, what i can do to is jus set u free, and dun care too much bout ur stuff since u said u r matured enuff to handle all these. Well, if i cont i think im too much. Since u dun appreciate, then i'll jus dun do it. luv u bro.

9th Nov Gerard 21st Bday

上个星期庆祝了他21岁的生日。因我遲到了，所以很多朋友都沒見到就拜拜了。去到的时候就剩下一斑一个星期见到N次的损友。哈哈！那天虽然剩下的朋友不多，可是我也很开心，能和他们一起渡多这个11月。整个11月对我自己本身很有意思，很多要好的朋友在这个月离开了们，到他们的世界，也有很多朋友在这个月生日。

话说回来生日派对当天，本来该是帮寿星打点的生日的rundown的，due to前一个晚上我和他n损友们打麻将打到天亮，从晚饭过后就打到第二天吃完早餐才回家的我们累的要死。Darling还说我的样子不能看的。哈哈哈～当天派对本小姐去到时候，连吃都7788 sapu完料。想想他的朋友有多恐怖，我们还order 120 pax for 100 pax的食物。因他不得空layan我们，有太多的亲戚在场所以我们一斑朋友到他的房间大大翻转。LOL >

sa sa rule the world~~

G兄弟

都不晓得为什么男生这么喜欢玩不公开恋情，认识我这位兄弟这么久，不公开恋情我都看得多。自己又是单身，可是常常就是找个‘女友’然后就跟她偷偷摸摸的恋爱。没名没分的在一起，何时走在一起，何时分开都没这个肯定。我看到一个一个小绵羊送到他的嘴巴里，看到都心酸。一个个小绵羊就这样被牺牲。还好认识这位兄弟是因为工作的合作才认识，不然~~难以想象。

说起跟这个兄弟，跟他的身份其实还蛮特殊。因同事而认识，然后当了好朋友，说心事的好朋友，然后再了解，原来大家该在同事前就因该认识而且以有一面之言。一直看着我长大，看这我从小crew当leader，看着我为学业上挣扎，看着我感情上跌倒再扶我起来，也看着我乱水的生活。就在我需要肩膀的时候，无论他有多忙，他都会借给我。（不过他的工作的确常常都不忙）

很多不是这么懂我们的关系都以为我们是一对。说真的，跟他在一起根本就不用烦，像我这么不喜欢为自己的事做planning的人，他都一一帮我做主，不是我没主见，而是我真的懒得去想。只要跟他在一起，去那里，吃什么，怎么用时间，根本连想都不必要。就好像，几乎每次和他吃饭，坐下来看menu的时候，我把menu盖上，他都很自动的帮我点菜。我房间的家私都是他以了解我的品味，然后才跟我一起看家私。他带我去看家私时，整个房间的concept都想好了。只是proposed给我看我buy不buy。这么不用为我自己的事而操心的朋友哪里找？

这爱帮我做主的习惯，可能就是不适合当女生的男朋友。他的controlling的重，爱控制女友，嫉妒心很重，就连我平时跟其他男生比较好点，他都会放话给我听，更别说是自己的女人可是我又不是他女友，我怕什么？当个朋友，他真的没话可说的朋友，他是一个很好很好的朋友，不是只对我，对他自己的兄弟也真的很好，可是在他感情线上得要努力努力。死大男人的性格不改，他的女人都不好过。

这位好兄弟不晓得为什么我一点点地小动作他就知道我的事，可是我也不是不了解他。一眼就观察到他和我女朋友有东东啦。虽然第一次的观察只不过是猜测，所谓日久见人心，看见他对女生的细心就知道这个男人有下个target，aim住我女朋友料。上了我女友，有跟她来个不公开恋情，女生拉着我诉苦，我又何能不听呢？听了又不懂给什么意见，给的太多意见，又怕把他们有可能发展的关系rule up。做人难，做这个好友的兄弟更难。

分身术

这几个月我很累，其实我因该习惯这样的生活可是还是会有点埋怨下。和以前一样，还是要功课工作两边顾。Partner到一个很好的人，就senang点；partner到一个mong sing sing的人就辛苦很多。Assignment有做等于没做，后来还是要自己做。工作那里更死，没有利益哪回帮你做？除非很好的交情，有交情归有交情，自己工作顾不来，还要多是顾别人的咩？接下来的这个12月，都不只道怎么安排？Pageant又要来了，干爹问了我几次要帮手吗，都退了他。感觉有点不孝tim~如有分身术就好，分下身工作都可以做的特别多 :)

Isn't the End

Is not that easy for both of us walk till here. U need to consider alot, same to me. U like thriller but Im not. U like to hiding me up, but Im not. U like the way we are, but Im not. From time to time, day by day, the feeling of leaving is stronger n stronger. Especially whenever I saw something that I not suppose to know regarding u both. Everytime I saw all this, the jeously in me, stronger n stronger. Instead of abusing myself, I rather choose to let go. After letting go, I hope v still could back to the days v used to be, as close as b4 this but not like now.